Here I am.
I've been here before, actually. I blogged with some regularity when it was the cool fad in high school, and I daresay I kept up with mine into college better than most of the others in my class who started out with me. But sometime after I exceeded everyone's expectations, including my own, by posting once a week my entire semester abroad in Australia, I never kept the discipline going.
Ah, now there's a good word for the new year. Discipline. Rounding the last corner of my seminary - and possibly my academic - career, discipline is something I've rather lacked. Sure, I have passed all my classes and complete all my assignments... well, my papers, anyway. Let's not talk about the percentage of reading I actually accomplish. I'm responsible enough, when it comes to meeting academic deadlines.
But that is not the discipline I hope to embrace this new year. Advent is about time, about intention, about preparation. Writing, for me, has never been about any of those things. It has been about procrastination, about pleasing other people, about whims. Writing may make one exact, so the saying goes, but I have always been more comfortable with conjecture, feeling, the vague and fuzzy realm of emotion rather than fact.
So, here I am.
My wife and I have hosted Advent services for several years now, embracing the chance to deliberately slow down. There's something about the dark, about candlelight, that hallows even the mundane thoughts we have about ourselves, and sharing dim lighting and half-formed thoughts has been one of the richest times of fellowship and spiritual growth we have been able to share together (although you should ask her if she agrees!). Had time allowed - one of my dear friends had to leave to write a paper due tomorrow - I would have shared my intention to start this discipline.
We were meditating on what it means to "actively wait" instead of passively allow life to slide right by us. Listening to others share their candle-hallowed-thoughts, I came to my own flickering realization. Active waiting is never fully understood; you piece the fractions together when you arrive.
Here I am.
This blog has existed for a long time, without my time, intention, or preparation given to it. So many definitions, explorations, sermons, conversations, insights and questions have gone untyped, unreflected and unshared because I have never embraced this discipline. As a new year starts, I embrace the time, intention, preparation and discipline of writing once a week.
Advent.
Arriving.
Waiting.
Discipline.
Hope.
Here I am.
